Relationship Conflict Resolution

Relationship Conflict Resolution

Sometimes when we argue we focus so much on the other person and pointing the finger at our significant other that things never get resolved. I remember when my ex-husband and I used to argue, we would always end up saying hurtful things to each other and that never ended well, we still never focused on the issues we just ended up playing the “blame game.” It wasn’t till I learned how to argue the correct way that we learned how to actually resolve a few of our issues.

Relationships are hard it takes time and effort on both parts. You have to be willing to compromise and listen to each others wants and needs. I know it can be hard but if you really want to make your relationship strong and healthy it takes a lot of effort each and every day. Relationships take work and you have to be willing to put in the work.

Respect each others barriers. Refrain from background distractions like television, radio and cell phones. Look directly at each other sit or stand in front of one another and give each other your full attention.

Make sure you have enough time to discuss your issues. You don’t want to start a conversation when you or your significant other are walking out the door to go to work.

Try not to argue in front of others, especially if you have children. Schedule a time to talk when they have gone to bed or not at home. Children hear and pick up everything even you think they are not listening trust me they are!

This article will give you 5 tips on HOW to argue more effectively and get those issues resolved so you can move forward in your relationship. I hope you find value in this article. If you would like to schedule a private coaching session please contact me to set up a free 20 min consultation.

1. Focus on the problem not the person

When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the
conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem without
placing blame on your partner. If a disagreement becomes personal, you should stop the conversation and continue at a later time or when you have time to cool off a bit.

2. Use reflective listening

Oftentimes during arguments we focus on getting our own point across rather than
listening to our partner. Before responding to your partner, restate what they have
said to you in your own words. Continue this process until your partner agrees that
you understand. Next, share your side. Your partner should reflect back your ideas in
their own words until they too understand. Using this technique will help both
individuals feel listened to and understood, even if you disagree.

3. Using “I” Statements

When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with “I”. For example: “I feel hurt when
you don’t tell me you’ll be late”. With this sentence format we show that we are
taking responsibility for our own emotion rather than blaming our partner. The
alternative sentence—“You never tell me when you’re going to be late”—will often
cause a partner to become defensive. When you become defensive sometimes the arguement will escalate into more then it should have.

4. Know when to take a time-out

When you and your partner are becoming argumentative, insulting, or aggressive, it’s
a good idea to take a time-out. Have a plan in place so you or your partner can call
for a break when needed. Spend some time doing something alone that you find
relaxing. When you’ve both calmed down, you and your partner can return to solving
the problem. Be sure that you do return—it isn’t a good idea to leave these issues unaddressed. Choose a time when you know both of you can re-visit the issue but don’t wait too long.

5. Work toward a resolution

Disagreements are a normal part of a relationship. If it becomes clear that you and your
partner will not agree, focus on a resolution instead. Try to find a compromise that
benefits both individuals. Ask yourself if this disagreement really matters to your
relationship, and let yourself move on if not.

If you can not come to a resolution, give it sometime and readdress the issue or issues. Remember to breathe and remain some sort of self control. Arguing does not solve issues.

Try not to hold your feelings in and explode all at once. If an issue arrises make it a point to discuss it at that moment, for example if your partner was supposed to be home by 10pm and was an hour late let them know how you feel. You could say “It hurts me when you come home later than what you say.” Be cautious of your words and you will most likely avoid the other person being self-defensive.

It’s also a good idea to sit down with each other at least once a month to discuss issues or any concerns that you both might have in your relationship.

Schedule time for just the both of you. Scheduling time together will help bring you closer and gives reassurance that you both are important in each others lives.

If you still can not resolve your issues or concerns, it may be time to schedule further counseling where you can both address your issues with an outside mediator. An outside mediator can sometimes see things that you both can not or unwilling to.

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” I can’t promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that if you’re trying, I’m staying”