Self Help Overload

A simple bit of electric work gave me more peace than reams of self help.

Gurus, Mantras, Daily Inspirations, Law of Attraction, Gratitude Journals, Yoga, Oprah, Meditation. Did I miss anything on the list of life transformation tools? If you’ve experienced a life crisis or felt a strong desire for change, you’ve probably employed a few of these methodologies to create a paradigm shift.

During the early stages of my divorce, I searched for some soul relief and found an all-you-can-eat buffet of self-help resources in every media form. Did you know there’s an app for that?

A self help perfectionist to the max

It was a time of tremendous pain, but also a time of tremendous growth. In addition to the transition from being married to a divorcée, I had made a conscious decision to get off my anti-anxiety medication. And to fan the freak out flames further, I was laid off from my job.

Feeling thoroughly lost and dejected, I turned to Spirit. I needed an explanation of it all and understood on a fundamental level that life was hard. Along with therapy, I consumed self-help books like ice cream sandwiches.

Itried meditating, going to yoga, journaling and all were helpful, but noticed that I’d feel badly when my ritual was missed or couldn’t meditate “properly”. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m meditating properly! I’d freak out when I had a less than friendly thought fearing that the Law of Attraction was coming to get me and if I didn’t write in my gratitude journal for the day, I’d assume it was the reason I wasn’t having any luck in the job hunt.

Crazy, right? Or strangely familiar?

Are you taking self-help too seriously?

I find it ironic that some of us can take self-help to the extreme. What’s intended to serve us can often feel like it just adds to the pile of the never-ending list of failures or un-accomplishments.

If you never have your Eat, Pray, Love moment or the Course in Miracles is gathering dust on your bookshelf, don’t despair. You can still make material changes in your life without traveling to Bali or have that conversation with God.

Don’t get me wrong. All of the books I reference and lesson materials are wonderful and helpful to a degree, but if you have a voracious appetite and urgency for change, it can sometimes cause harsh judgments when you’re on the fast track and life doesn’t match your desire and pace. Slow down.

A simple awakening from upgrading a light switch

You can have those awakenings and moments in the seemingly mundane and we should recognize and celebrate them just as heartily as the bigger cinematic moments.

I had such a moment myself shortly after I have moved into my condo and lost my job. During the downtime I decided to upgrade the light switches and electrical outlets in my new abode. It wasn’t until I had finished and took a look around that I realized that I was humming “Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better” the whole time I was working. You could say that I was in a trance-like state completely focused on the task at hand and completely unfocused on my personal turmoil.

Pleased with the work I had done, I cleaned up and started to get my Friday-night-without-my-child ritual going. I lay my throw blanket on the couch, set up the Roku and sat down to watch TV until I fell asleep. I could feel the twinge of loneliness distracting me from enjoying a peaceful night and I thought I’d start to weep so I went the bathroom to grab some tissues and as I went to turn off the light, my fingers touched the light switch I had just replaced and looked at it thoughtfully as I ran my fingers across the smooth wide button.

I replayed the events that led me to that moment. From deciding on the upgrade, to looking up how-to videos, to reading up on electrical safety, to standing at the checkout line at the hardware store, to cutting and crimping wires, to twisting the crew on the last plate cover, I realized I did all of it without any judgment.

If I could take on something I knew nothing about, educate myself on it, execute and enjoy the finished product, how could I possibly fail at something I already knew about?

• I already knew how to show up as a parent. My child was thriving and doing well.
• I already knew how to be in a relationship. The marriage didn’t last, but we both learned and experienced a great deal.
• I already knew how to be a successful professional. Getting laid-off as part of a 30% workforce cut is a sign of a poor economy and like the economy, my professional life would turnaround in time.

So, you see, when I stopped over thinking, over analyzing and judging myself harshly I got things done. Eventually I became employed again, my child continues to thrive, I’ve re-married and moved out of my condo and into a home.

I wasn’t kissed under a Tuscan sun in the rain like a Nicholas Sparks novel nor did I have a visit from an Indian shaman in my dream. Sometimes you just have to tune out to tune in.